I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
