make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
