we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
