Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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