At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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