My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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