did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
