And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
