normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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