what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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