just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
thus making me awesome and them whores
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
