I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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