Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
