U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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