I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
