Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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