They should really pass out barf bags in church
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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