i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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