i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
