FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
