If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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