This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
