return my video game
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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