the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
