her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
