you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
