And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's like iHOP with fire
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
