You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
