can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
