Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
