Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
