I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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