I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So squirting runs in the family.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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