the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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