Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
