why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
