The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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