I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
