After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this boner is exhausting
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
