I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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