They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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