Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
