I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
