angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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