I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
