watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
