the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
