Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
