We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
