Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
