On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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