Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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