call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
