a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
