Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
