she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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